Minneapolis Chapter of the Order Hosts Leonard

The Minneapolis Chapter of the Order of the Jags hosted a mini-disc event this week, with Leonard “I’ve-been-spending-an-hour-a-day-average-on-disc-since-Madison” (actual quote) Blackburn in town on vacation and Prospective Jag Mark Ehling always eager and at the ready to join in.

On Wednesday afternoon Leonard, Mark, and Eric (no T-Town on this one) played Bryant Lake Park in Eden Prairie, which has become the go-to course of the summer for Mark and Eric (playing it about 6 or 7 times thus far).

No photos of note (see past blog on this course for hole-by-hole visuals and analysis), but here is a Cliff’s Notes of how the round shaped up.

* Leonard had the fewest number of double bogeys (1). Mark and Eric had two.
* Leonard also had the only birdie of the day (Hole 10).

However, Leonard never led at any point during the round, and, after 9 holes, it was Mark at +5, Eric at +6, and Leonard at +7.

Eric then cruised to 5 straight pars to take the lead by one through 14 holes, with Mark up to +7 and Leonard at +9.

Eric had already lost two rounds to Mark this year at Hole 18 and the last four holes have given him fits generally all summer.

Sure enough, Mark ended with two pars and two bogeys, Leonard with four bogeys, and Eric with three bogeys and one double for a final score of:

Mark: +9
Eric: +11
Leonard: +13

Overall, this was one of the 2 or 3 worst rounds Leonard has played in the past 3 years. His drives were off (on several occasions Eric outdrove him, which is not normal). However, Leonard did have some impressive long putts, a few from the PBS (Patented Blackburn Stance) in the woods, that clanked metal but didn’t ring in.

Mark, as always, was very solid putting and throwing pretty long drives in general, with the occasional 1 in 8 that shanked far right on him...though still traveling quite far.

One note: Eric had by far the worst shot of the week (Rob: No, you still hold the Gigli Title for '09). It happened on the drive at Hole 17, the glorious 542 foot “cliff hole.” Basically, any drive can go 250-300 feet from this hole….assuming you don’t hit the ground first. Which Eric did at the edge of this teebox:


The disc shot up in the air 20+ feet, and, fortunate for Eric, rolled down approximately 85% of the hill (which has 114 steps), to enable him to save double and only lose one stroke on Mark and Leonard who missed their par putts.

On Thursday, the Jags cruised out to Cottage Grove to play Oakwood Park, which is T-Town’s home course, about 1.5 miles from his house.

Note: T-Town had only played one round thus far in 2009.

Eric estimates Leonard had played this course about 3 or 4 times prior, while Leonard claims only once or twice. Eric's records indicate Leonard last played it in on September 14, 2002.

Ander has played this course a good 4 or 5 times, and Mark Neely, T-Town, and Eric got in a round at the onset of Neely’s resurgence in August 2007.

Things did not get off to a good start for Leonard at Oakwood – testing out one of his news discs (a Surge?) that got caught up in a tree, which he tried to retrieve with his Gatorade bottle.

With no official, handsome Ander scorecards for the course we made do with some nifty graph paper Mark happened to have in a notepad in his bag.

Leonard’s bad luck continued at Hole 1, an easy birdie hole that none of us birdied, with Leonard getting a double and the rest of us getting par.


Hole 2 reverses course with the pin straight ahead. The last time Ander played this course it may have been pre-shrub/tall grass/tree cutting. It’s now a simple shot, playing a bit longer than the previous downhill hole.


Hole 3 we jagged up – having previously played the pin that is for Hole 18 the last 5+ years by mistake after they revamped the course around 2003/2004. We decided to play it at the end of the round so as not to get behind a stampede of other Jag Quartets that were piling up behind us.

Hole 4 is one of the longest on the course. The pin is straight ahead, well past the big round beautiful tree on the right of the fairway. The woods on the left is treacherous. Mark had a crazy long drive and saved par while T-Town and Eric had their first bogeys of the day (T’s actually a double).


Mark continued his great play by notching a birdie on Hole 5, which is a straight shot up into the woods, slightly complicated by a few bushes in the middle of the fairway. T-Town got back the stroke he lost to Leonard on hole 4 in the early battle for 3rd place as Leonard’s drive sailed right in the woods for a bogey.


Now, the woods.

Here is where the game began to change, although our spirits did not. Even though he began the wooded excursion by chopping his first 3 shots on this short hyzer hole (following the path, below), Mark remarked that this was a course in which the holes in the woods all had a point to them – lots of character etc. Leonard was the only jag to par Hole 6 and Mark doubled.


Hole 7 is a not too long slight anhyzer, with the pin about 35-40 feet up the slight hill in the background. Mark, the Woodsman of the round, chopped his way to a 4, while the rest of us got par.

Hole 8 is a doozy – VERY long with a very narrow fairway (it is straight back, but not really visible from the tee). It is this hole, some seven or so years ago, where T-Town had hit his disc golf peak, but then lost his favorite driver in the (now dried up) swamp in the foreground. I don’t know if he ever replaced the driver, but his game has never quite been the same since. Mark impressed on this one, getting the only non-double among the bunch (4).


Hole 9 is very birdie-friendly hole, but only Mark achieved this feat. (With Mark it seemed to be feast or famine in the woods).


Through Hole 9 (though remember we skipped Hole 3), the scores were:

Mark: +2
Eric: +4
Leonard: +6
T-Town: +6

Not amazing scores, and the tough holes were yet to come.

Eric got on the board with a birdie at Hole 10, a short and straight hole, but with enough trees to make it interesting.


Hole 11 is pretty tough, though Mark had the best anhyzer of the bunch. The pin follows the path, up a hill to the right, and then sits about 70 feet down the base of the hill on the other side. T-Town was up one stroke on Leonard at this point in the match (Leonard and Eric doubled this hole).


Hole 12 has a lot of trees for your chopping pleasure. Eric took the right path, though the pin is basically straight ahead of the left path. This is one of the few holes (of the summer) where Mark’s putter failed him, ending up with a double, and Leonard’s par was the best of the group.


Hole 13 is probably the third or fourth hardest hole on the course, and quite long. The pin is at the very end of the path, slightly to the left, but the fairway is pretty narrow throughout. Our average score for the group was 5.0 on this hole, with T-Town providing the triple and Mark impressive with a long putt for bogey.


We’re back out of the woods for a brief moment on Hole 14 – the pin is tucked away on the left near the end of the group of trees. Eric got his second birdie of the day here (first ever in his career on this hole), with Mark and Leonard notching a par. T-Town continued to fade after a valiant effort through 11 holes with a bogey.


Hole 15 requires a very straight drive, which Eric and Leonard were able to pull off and sink short par putts at the pin at the top of the hill back inside the woods. T-Town and Mark bogeyed.


Heading into the Hole of Death, the scores were:

Eric: +7
Mark: +8
Leonard: +10
T-Town: +13

Hole 16 is indeed the Hole of Death. Eric has probably averaged over 6 strokes on this hole over the 10+ rounds he has played this course. The average for our group today was 5.5, with three doubles and a quadruple bogey courtesy of T-Town. You basically need to just follow the path straight ahead, but there is a notable slope to the fairway, and enough trees to make this one just plain nasty.


As you can see, neither T-Town (shades) nor Mark (towel) wanted to show their face on this hole…


Hole 17 brings us back out into the open, with a longish hole and the pin sitting just beyond the 3-4 small bushes straight ahead. Leonard continued his feverish march towards the top of the pack with the only par in the quartet. But was it going to be too little too late?


We used to play Hole 18, as Ander may recall, to a pin straight at the top of a steep hill, just off the parking lot. Turns out that is the pin for Hole 3, and Hole 18 is on a slope over to the right a bit. We averaged 5.33 collectively on this hole, with Mark trying to make do with a drive that sailed a long, long way right, essentially playing the fairway on Hole 4 on his way to a triple, while the rest of us doubled.


Our return to Hole 3 was anti-climactic, with three pars among the leaders.


And thus, the final scores read:

Eric: +12
Mark: +14
Leonard: +14
T-Town: +22

Though Eric doesn’t look all that happy, for some reason, even though this was only his 4th win in 19 attempts against Mark this year.


Also, for the record, 2009 marked Eric’s best yearly winning percentage against Leonard dating back to our first rounds in 1998. By year:

1998: 2.0% (1-49)
1999: 11.4% (5-39)
2000: 0.0% (0-9)
2001: 11.1% (2-16)
2002: 0.0% (0-12)
2003: 31.0% (9-20)
2004: 0.0% (0-4)
2005: 0.0% (0-5)
2006: did not play
2007: 14.3% (1-5-1)
2008: 12.5% (1-6-1)
2009: 36.4% (4-7)

Josh's homemade basket

My friend Josh Foster made this sweet homemade basket out of "stuff lying around on the farm" ... I submit to you in lieu of hearing about the Minneapolis disc exxxperience.


Playable, it appears:


I find this somehow inspirational in a small way. This man is serious, and/or seriously bored. Disc is scarce in Idaho.

"It is what it is" in PERU, INDIANA

Went up to Peru, IN 2day, with a couple of my disc homies, Jake (quickly learning, quickly getting better) and Cory. (Cory is Iraq war vet just home. He's kinda strung tight. VERY athletic, VERY long D golfer, tons-of-game crackles off him when he throws. This dude laser-aced 2 holes in the last 3 weeks at home course McCulloch, one a fucking impossible ace, a shot from some strange god, on a course not exactly ace-friendly to strange gods, or anyone.)

Our man Mark N. has ignored me all summer so I had to get new disc friends. Mark works for the CIA. He is the una-bomber, BTW.

I was on all day. One of those quirky/odd times where you get bounces, park everything, rock drives, do stupid stuff and pretend you always throw that way. Like bouncing off tree limbs and disc drops below basket. Dumb lucky things.

As Cory said (an overall longer, stronger player than me, though maybe not as strategically keen): "Fuck"

First, we played Maconaquah Park. (This review site give this course 3 stars. Really? You suck. It is 3.5 to 4 [esp in in long tee position]. It is NOT 3 stars. No way.)



I was at one point -4, then blarred up to -1 finish. The joke of the day--a good joke, and when voiced out loud went over well--was, "Dude, you just got Maconaquah-ed." We all got Maconaquah-ed repeatedly.

For example, Jake took a snowman. Etc.



Jake puts that one in the creek. So? Creek is near dry today. He pars.



Cory rocks hole 3, big-ass turnover. He sucks it up a bit, but does par. Cory usually birdies or pars, period, unless he goes nuts with his power. Today he actually was looser than I have seen, but still a force. Kind of scary chaos, but ends up pretty near the fucking basket when all is screamed and done.



If you don't remember this course, this should help you. Fuck. How bad-ass is this hole? Way up that mountain-ass hill.

And much of the day went like this:



***

We went over to the man of D golf, to Pieradise. Oh wow. Dude just lives in a disc golf preserve, that's all. Envy.

I went -8 but don't get excited. He had the short pins in. I've never played these pins, and, since I have played medium and long pins, I would prefer anything but the short. I used my putter on 4 drives today. Ugh. It did allow for a 27 hole course, but coming off Maconaquah to this was a let-down.

Alen Pier is a god in my book. He had amazing discs for sale, as usual. He had a bunch of Rocs with wood embedded in the plastic, etc.

His "spiderweb" baskets are basically the best ever made, as every player knows.

Cory bought a bunch of crazy discs. Jake bought his first bag (what a moment!). I bought a sweet shirt (will unveil later) and a new disc. Ander, how does this disc fly? A TL? The best player at our home course told me to buy this disc for my game. WTF?



You know you love Pieradise. So groomed! (Cory missed this birdie putt)



Dude, Alen is too nice. I mean his farm is a D golf mecca. The shit. Now he adds long poles to help you get your disc out of the trees. And these are not just eye candy. I used one today; his trees catch discs. Just a cool guy.



I will end this post at hole # 18, where the course, uh, ends. I drop a little forehand, a little tech, L-to-R shot, right under 200 feet, on a short hole (again, pins in short position today, I'm not yelling here. I'm just saying, I'm just saying...ACE.)



S

Boondocks Farm Disc Golf Review

I went to Boondocks Farm to pet the sweet corn and buy a llama. They had disc golf. They are run by Christians and will sell you anything. They had a huge wooden cross so I could think about the crucifixion while I played disc golf. They had signs with all types of slogans, like this:

I warmed up with some light calisthenics and fifteen minutes of kick boxing. I opened one of two Budweiser. It tasted good to me. The can sweated and I sweated and thought about beginning.

Hole 1 (244 feet) I threw the disc like a radio show. It almost went into the basket. I was now one under par. My ribs did a happy, sticky laugh. I felt like I owned something.

Entry shot into hole one. A great pin placement. My disc is right behind the basket in that clump of bread soup.

Hole 2 is 221 feet uphill. The photo I took was so fucking professional your retinas would explode into dust right now. So I won't post it. I threw the disc way past the hole on my drive and had to settle for grainy porridge. A wasp stung me on the ass, left cheek.

I screamed out, "Holy Mr. Kenny Toes!" Then calmed down and thought about buying a salve.

Hole 3 is a 331 foot gnu. Nasty. There are pens behind it full of condemned animals with very small lives left on the planet Earth. All around the pens are these giant blue barrels that frighten me. Teethy woods on right. Out-of-bounds corn on the left, but who is going to throw it there?

Prepare to launch!

Crap. I bogey and am back to even, balanced, neck to neck parallel. I mean par. Now I feel purposeless, like a lost ant. I rip off an ear of corn and throw it into a low cloud. An incredibly red beetle bites my ankle.

Hole 4 352 feet.

Uncorked my new X Step here and BOMB one into a thorny ravine. My disc lands 25 feet from the basket and possibly the longest drive I have cater-cranked this year. I dig my disc out of the crunk and get three thorns in the fleshy part of my right hand. Blood. I miss the putt. I curse everyone I don't know. Par.

Hole 5 I took a photo of the tee sign, as metaphorical possibility. See how it's all peeling and flaked and kind of Sally? A lot of Boondocks is like that. I came out here one time and hole 14 had a giant cooler of rotting meat in the center of the fairway. Another time hole 15 held three caskets. I shit you not.

(Who is Jeff?)

I par the hole. It is a L to R tucked into people camping or something. I see a cat eating a blue jay. You can tell it's a farm cat because I whistle and it takes off running. I stub my toe on a house of bees. There are a lot of bee houses but no bees inside. I have heard all the bees are dying in the U.S. This might be true.

Hole 6 is major Kelly Clarkson! Why? Because you can try to shoot the chute with a mid-range like Alice, or go big-ass Hyzer bomb bottled ice code-talking driver over the top. I go big code-talk, clip a limb, but land near the basket, in a kidney of darkness. I dig out my Wraith, miss the putt. Sigh. Still par.

(How cool is this hole? Can you see the routes?)

Hole 7 is a big ol' 290 L to R with out of bounds like spots on sun. This is the last field hole before we ENTER THE FOREST!

I drive it here with a forehand, thank you very little.

I miss the putt. I thought I was supposed to be getting better at putting?

HEY EVERYONE HOLE EIGHT IS OVER HERE!! Can you see it? Oh look, the tee pad is about ten feet behind the helpful sign telling you where the tee pad is....Hey everyone we think you might be stupid or something! Whipeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Where is hole 8? Oh, there it is.

Forest, woods, gnurkly, tech, tech tech. I love tech! I park my drive by a deer stand.

Par this hole easily. Since we now enter my favorite part of the course, I do a little elven dance and drink my second Budweiser. I am now ready to humor like Kafka. My shins are bleeding.

Hole 9 is a 220 techy dream. If you don't have a hammer shot, get one. This is the type of D golf I prefer.

Can you see the basket? I go all magic Sophie and hammer a birdie for back to one under. Word.

Hole 10 is a 200 foot L to R upshot. I throw into Cher's bodysuit, but recover well and par.

Hole 11 some jack-ass put a fuse box in the fairway. There basically is no fairway. I was tempted to go to Walmart on that fuse box like Ander Monson did once in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. The hole drops away at the ending, into a deep cavern-like area. Could be cool as silverfish if a jack-ass had not, you know, you know, put a fuse box in the fairway.

Hole 12 (235 feet) is a nasty little shot down a steep and narrow cutaway. This be tech like community college, folks.

Wow. I throw a tad bit high, to my disappointment. Being able to release at a low and odd angle when at elevation is a tech skill, and I pride myself on tech skillzzage. Not this time. I can't find my disc. I can't find my blue baby-baby Beast! Argh..stumble, crumble, hot hot, thorns and stinging nettle, fucking ticks, argh, thorn, tumble into stump, stagger, swat, sweat, swat, sweat, argh...

Never mind. Found it. It is actually OK. Par.

Hole 13 is a crazy tech hole. I chunk my approach into the lettuce but then make this uphill putt for par. Whew. Still at 1- for the day.

(putter in basket, word)

Hole 14 is another 220 feet tech chute. I par.

Hole 15 is a glide of nachos! Love this hole. A blind tech shot over a massive ravine. The best thing to do is hammer like Rob and listen for chains!

I told you....Now I'm -2.

Hole 16 is disgusting. Long techy, and has a huge overgrown shrub right in front of the tee pad. I see another cat, with a lizard in its jaws. Cat gives me a look like maybe I'm the one destroying the delicate predator/prey symbiosis of the local ecology. Cats. What can you do? I par.

Hole 17 has a cabin and a wheelchair and a hot tub sitting on the fucking tee pad. Christian farmers are crazy.

I have an urge to sit in the wheelchair but I find it to be really bad karma to go around sitting in wheelchairs. I par.

Hole 18 is impossible. There is no fairway. I'm not even sure if this is tech. What is this?

I try a hammer. It bounces off the forehead of a tree, off a tractor tire, off a bridge with its back broken like a chicken bone, then lands here:

Hell actually is a bad place to visit. But I get out of here, and par. Two under for the day, people. I feel so good like woven eggs in a basket of remediation.

Boondocks, I love you. Your cross is a big cross, my friends, and I thank you muchly. I will now go apply various salves to my various wounds. I am holy.

CHECK OUT THAT FUCKING SHIRT!

July 2009.