Holler in the Motherfucking HILLS

Y'all will soon see the official blogpost for the jag meetup in Cleveland, minus, sadly, one Andy Segedi, who contracted some kind of crazy staph infection in a suspicious way from his work at unnamed insurance company X (who, predictably, will certainly try to weasel out of responsibility). So he stuck at home, sad, thinking good thoughts for his homies, who showed well in Cincinnati. Rock.

So I figured I'd try out this course that's been getting crary reviews on the dgcoursereview site, Holler in the Hills. It's in the middle of nowhere. Took me about an hour to get to, though it's sort of close to Bowling Green, KY, which, uh, has the Corvette Museum, and that is about all. And a crap holiday Inn where I'm staying that is also hosting the Kentucky Sheriffs' Association's yearly convention so there are a lot of big dudes in cop cars, which, though I haven't feared the cops in years at this point, still makes me nervous.

Holler is hard to find. Very easy to miss turns. I end up some woman's yard, and she comes out with a shotgun and an angry spaniel. I kid about the shotgun only. I eventually find it. You have to call first. I call. No one is there. It's $5 to play all day. Players have to sign a waiver to play. They have score cards and a handy 3-page handout that tells you all about the holes. 

What you should understand immediately about this course is that this is some home-schooled, DIY disc golf experience. Shit is rough. Shit is country. This ain't no nice public park. Don't get me wrong, it's well-groomed (mostly), but the dudes who run it are perfectly happy to just make some crazy shit (see the school bus on hole 6) happen. All the baskets that are by the river are about 2 feet from the fucking river. There are baskets on 3 huge rocks. On one hole you throw from a huge rock to another huge rock. Anyhow. Needless to say I wore my long pants and long-sleeve shirt. The waiver freaked me out about the snakes and bugs and ticks and coon hounds and Burt Reynolds and you get the idea. Christ.

Hole 1 starts you out fairly easy:

or maybe that's just the sign going down to the tee. Here's the tee:

A nice little hyzer shot up a slight incline to the left. Throw it straight. 270' or so. But there's the deathwater on the right, which makes you think before you throw... and griplock into the weeds... and find-ah the Jesus-ah. Actually, I par this hole. No need for salvation yet.

Hole 2 is also pretty reasonable, except the basket is on the right, on the very edge before the thing drops off. It's very pretty. Clear shot.

Hole 2's basket, like Hole 3's, is right up against some brackish fricking water after a fifteen foot dropoff into the riverbed:

I play it too safe, and the putt scares me. Another par. Hole 3 is a great one. Probably one of the best on the course, and one of the only real long bombers. Witness:

Here's what you need to know. The hole is 740'. It's 320' to the gap on the right, which is the only gap in the huge wall of trees. It is also right against the water.

It is also a ditch:

So you can lose the hell out of your disc down there. Or you can try to bomb it over the wall, which is what I do. I do not succeed. I do manage to get enough through it so I have a shot out, but not one I can get anything on. Two shots and I'm 100' past the trees. Eh. Note where the basket is, another good huck (plus) and the approach to the hole is a solid 100' under the cover. Did I mention the water on the right?

Hmm. This is my sweet new Glide. Obviously I am getting it but it takes me a while. A random dog comes along to frolic but will not help. They have a nice 20' pole on the bank for this particular situation. I spend about ten minutes and nudge it to a place where I can get it. Apparently this hole is a pro par 5. I get a 6. Woulda been fine without the agua. So it goes.

Dude who runs the course comes over. He's mowing. I think his name's Howie (I also get to meet his son later). Nice dude. I'm very pleased with this course so far. Hole 4 is a 368' turnover shot over a little hill to the right:

I bomb a lovely drive on this one, pin high, 25' to the left, but I putt an inch short. Damn. Could've used the birdie. I have that 6 to work off.

Hole 5 you throw over water:

admittedly, it's a pretty mellow pond by comparison, and it's only a 270' shot, and the water is a little low right now. So that's good. But still it could certainly eat a disc. Throw a good shot and don't think about it. I put my Glide about 40' left of it, playing too safe. The basket's real close to the water so you can't really put a big hyzer on it. And the lip of the pool looks steep so don't expect to skip it.

I par. So far these aren't super technical, but there's a lot of obstacle to think about. Hole 6 is kind of my favorite just for the crazy taxi factor:

So you can see that this is a straightforwardish hole, a little hyzer through a smallish gap. But the fucking gap is made up by a weirdo shack on the right and a trashed-ass SCHOOL BUS on the left. "Be careful of barbed wire when retrieving disc" is what the tee sign says. INDEED. Here's a closer look:

The basket's in the field. I have a real good putt at this one since I miss the bus (eh heh) but it's another inch short. Wha? Did I mention it's now a solid 90 and I am completely soaked? Mostly from my trip down into the river, but it is not comfortable, adding to the experience. We're about to go into the woods and the rocks. But not yet. A lovely big fairway, hole 7, 320', but the gap and the basket are on the far right, with the rest of the woods poison ivy and so on (long pants, bitches: yes):

Guess where I end up.

You guessed well in the woods? Indeed. I find a gap for a hammer and save par because I am so far in the woods that I'm on the pathway to the next tee. Here's how it's meant to be played: very doable... for some players:

A nice little hole with a mando, hole 8:

You have to play this one on the right fairway (or rethrow from the short tee on the right if you miss it). It's super doable, and reminiscent of a hole on Cottage Grove up in Minnesota which I like. Only 227'. I throw a nice shot, but miss my putt. Fie! Now on to the forest:

Note the homemade wooden platform (a nice touch: they have some building skill on this course since they build all kinds of wooden steps etc. on the hills throughout the course). It's a big ole uphill shot to a gap that then floats down to the left:

Sweet. Hole 10, now that we've climbed the hill, plays across it, 340', hyzer into the woods. They like the into the woods shot. Isn't there a musical about this? So:

This is actually a shot from the fairway, since you can't really see the gap from the tee. Fun hole. I have a good drive, clunk the putt, it rolls. Make the comeback. Good times. This ain't a great round, but it's way better than my round on Lincoln Ridge/Banklick on Sunday, soon to be blogged, I'm sure.

Back to the uphill, I see, for hole 11, though a pretty easy (if fun, technical) one, only 170', hit the gap, don't give it too much, and let it settle in for a deuce to pay back your 6 from earlier:

And hole 12 is a big-ass uphill hole (only 260' but it plays like 400') that culminates in this sweet little pin position:

As you may imagine, it's way harder than you'd imagine to get it up there and have it stick. Best bet is to hit the putt. Which I do not. Bogey, y'all. I realize at this point that I won't have enough memory on my camera to take all the photos I want to, which blows. I skip shooting 13, which is nice, 270', straight and a little bend to the left at the end. Birdie this one.

14, however, is birdieable, but hilarious. You climb the fucking huge boulder to tee off (though the tee sign notes you can shoot from the base of it if you want to, but really, climb the fucking boulder; how many times do you get to throw from the boulder to a hugely elevated basket on another boulder? Not often. Possibly the shot is a little easier from the ground than the boulder:

It's actually tough to get a good shot of this to give you the real scope of the hole. Anyhow, I toss a good drive, leaving:

Then:

Chung! sweet deuce. Happy with this one. I'm starting to rack up some score on the back 9, which are all entertaining and very doable (excepting maybe a couple of the big ole uphill holes which are tough 3s). Hole 15 is a gorgeous anhyzer or forehand, not a real long one, probably 220' or so to this lovely basket situation (don't leave it short or you won't have anything because of the rocky outcropping, reminiscent of Dover, and don't throw it long or you have problems too):

I bogey this hole because I have a decent shot right at the basket, and I just run the hell out of it, figuring, what the crap, backstop of the gods, and then, no, it wings off the rock and rolls 80'. Great.

Hole 16 is a beautiful 350' but very drivable downhill hole that I don't have a photo of. If you go long it drops off into a massive ravine, and it's real easy to go long, yo. I par, playing it safe on the putt, which is good because the ravine is much deeper than it appears. "You will be mountain climbing," sez the tee sign. Indeed.

17's an awesome one, reminiscent of Tuscaloosa. Actually this whole course has aspects of Tuscaloosa, particularly the part where you have to do a lot of it yourself. This hole plays from elevated tee to elevated green with a huge valley in the middle, and trees of course on all sides. "Plays 315'. Be careful.":

I deuce it cause that is how I roll. Lovely hole, like one on Kaposia, which has handed me 9s before. This one you could definitely fuck up.

18's another downhill hole, out of the woods this time, and super-ace-able. 310' way downhill, OB behind the basket, water on the left. Throw a roc, try to make your putt:

Guess what? I do not make my putt. Shot a 55 on the course, which is below course "pro" par, but you could definitely go low on this course if you avoid screwing up the really hard holes, and convert the (many) potential birdie holes.

We'll end with "America: Fuck Yeah!":

 

which sums this experience up quite well. They play a Halloween tournament. Indeed.

I'd rate this course 3.7/4.0 on the whole. It's an impressive job with this pretty gnarly space. Lots of interesting rough edges on the course, but it's well-groomed considering (dude was on the riding mower when I was playing). Lots of interesting constructions. Much danger to be had here, which I appreciate. And there's a real sense you could be actually injured here. And that elevates the stakes. Highly recommend a trip to this course. $5 to play. I gave him $20.